Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
From Outcast to Confident (Final Version "A Time My World Changed")
The world seemed like a dark placefeeling unloved
Alone
living in a sinister shadow
concealing my feelings
losing my faith
thinking disturbing thoughts
considering suicide
worried of opening myself up to the world
scared what others will think of me
my heart had this damaged sensation
felt like nobody cared about my feelings
being judgemental of my outer self, caring less about my inner self
feeling melancholy deep inside
curious why everyone treated me so differently
like I'm invisible
I didn't like how my life was turning out
felt like I didn't belong
Desperately
wanting to fit in
Unexpectedly
my chains are finally free!
like a miracle he changed everything
he noticed my existence
treating me with kindness
giving me faith
caring about the person inside me rather than the outside
making me a bolder person
building up my low self-esteem
no longer caring what other people think of me
Now I only care what I think about myself
becoming someone who I never thought I would be
bringing integrity to my life
lighting up my darkest moments
Thinking about him when my heart feels empty again
He heals up my sorrowful heart
revealing my pride
opening my veiled confidence
showing the world what's inside my heart
revealing my hopes, goals, and dreams for the future
expressing my feelings I kept hidden for a long time
determined who my real inner self is
as I glance into the mirror
I see a reflection of a girl I've never met before
a girl with courage
because of him I'm
No longer afraid to show who I really am
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Longer short story: My Eternal Desire
I WILL always remember this guy, who I had a crush on for a long time. First of all, his name is Jordan. Oh my god, he has the most gorgeous blond hair I've ever seen on a guy! The shade of his blond hair reminds me of sunshine. His eyes...............Oh, whenever he looks at me, my heart melts dreamily. As for his personality, he's very easy to talk to, and has such a generous heart inside him.
WHEN I first met Jordan in 2007, we really hit it off. I have to admit, when I first laid my eyes upon him, I secretly had a crush on Jordan. At first, I thought we started out as a friendship..........until, out of the blue, he brought up he wanted me as his girlfriend! My thoughts were, Wow! No other guy had the courage to say something like that to me! I mean, no other guy ever selected me as their girlfriend, most guys consider me as their buddy. Anyway, after Jordan said that, it made my heart feel special.
THE ONE memory I will ALWAYS cherish is the time when we had our first kiss! Now, it seemed like a typical hanging out day at his house, but then came the part where Jordan brought up something unexpected for me.
"Courtney, this may be an embarrassing thing for me to say, but........" Jordan was saying in an apprehensive tone.
"What are you going to tell me?" I asked, an ocean of anticipation rising in me!
"Well..........See, I never kissed a girl before!" he replied to my dismay!
AFTER HE said that, I was curious where he was going with this. I could not believe he had the courage to say that as well! Now Jordan is my kind of guy, the one who's NOT afraid to reveal his confidence to a girl! He asked if I was willing to take this risk by trying our first kiss. Obviously I said yes, without consideration. I mean, I never kissed a guy before! This was my chance to FINALLY see what it felt like!!! So, slowly, we began approaching each other, face-to-face. The two of us hugged each other to start with, and then................and then............and THEN WE KISSED! It was the type of kiss you'd see in movies. My eyes were closed, couldn't resist.....it felt more romantic that way. As Jordan and I continued kissing, I felt this passionate sensation develop inside me. Kissing isn't as bad as I thought it would. Actually, it felt great, especially your first one! After we're finished, still wrapped in each other's arms, Jordan complimented, "You're a good kisser, Courtney." I replied thanks. We kissed for the second time to complete our evening. Wow! My first kiss......................best and most remarkable thing that's ever happened to me!
EVER SINCE our first kiss, I longed to have a serious relationship with Jordan. I'm sick and tired of being single, I desperately want a boyfriend in my life, someone I can snuggle up with on the couch, hug and kiss passionately, dating, you name it. Whenever I see a boyfriend and girlfriend together, I tend to get jealous, since that's something I want.
THE ONE THING that broke my heart was during the 2008 summer, I didn't see Jordan at all! I pictured the two of us dating over the summer, falling in love, making this the best summer I'd ever had! So, when I reached my senior year, middle of September, as I was getting off the STEP bus, unexpectedly..................THERE HE WAS! Jordan was standing outside my school, he doesn't even go to CPHS! When I saw him there, an immediate smile spread across my face and happiness filled me up! Since I hadn't seen him all summer, lately my heart had this empty feeling, but as soon as I saw Jordan, the emptiness rapidly filled its spot again. We were talking to each other, re-bonding, and I told him, "I really missed you, Jordan." He replied he missed me too, with tenderness in his tone. What a sweetheart! Nowadays he's always been on my heart like a tattoo. Every night, tossing and turning, I dream about Jordan. Now I'm wondering, could all this thinking about him be a symptom of falling in love?
I HAVE to be honest here, I think Jordan already has a girlfriend, that's what he keeps telling me, but even though he's seeing someone, I still have strong and deep feelings for him. I rather see him only once a year than see somebody else every single day. One night, when I was about to drift off to sleep, I found myself crying, and Jordan's the reason for my teardrops. I honestly don't care if he's dating someone else. My thoughts and feelings for him will always remain in my heart.
I LIKE it that Jordan accepts my inner self rather than my outer self. Well, I may not be the most beautiful woman, but why the heck does that matter?!? Beautiful, what does that mean anyway? You don't need to be the most attractive and hottest person to fall in love. Anyone can fall in love, no matter who you are or what you look like!
I HAVE the desire to fall in love with Jordan someday, longing to see what being in love feels like, see what I'm missing out on. Never once have I been in love before, I don't know why. I am the dating material, they just have to give me a chance to let me reveal that side of myself.
WHAT IS love anyway? Here's a couple quotes as well as a passage:
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return."
"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time."
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.
AS FOR the future, I dream of marrying Jordan someday as well as having a family, sharing our lives together.
WHEN I first met Jordan in 2007, we really hit it off. I have to admit, when I first laid my eyes upon him, I secretly had a crush on Jordan. At first, I thought we started out as a friendship..........until, out of the blue, he brought up he wanted me as his girlfriend! My thoughts were, Wow! No other guy had the courage to say something like that to me! I mean, no other guy ever selected me as their girlfriend, most guys consider me as their buddy. Anyway, after Jordan said that, it made my heart feel special.
THE ONE memory I will ALWAYS cherish is the time when we had our first kiss! Now, it seemed like a typical hanging out day at his house, but then came the part where Jordan brought up something unexpected for me.
"Courtney, this may be an embarrassing thing for me to say, but........" Jordan was saying in an apprehensive tone.
"What are you going to tell me?" I asked, an ocean of anticipation rising in me!
"Well..........See, I never kissed a girl before!" he replied to my dismay!
AFTER HE said that, I was curious where he was going with this. I could not believe he had the courage to say that as well! Now Jordan is my kind of guy, the one who's NOT afraid to reveal his confidence to a girl! He asked if I was willing to take this risk by trying our first kiss. Obviously I said yes, without consideration. I mean, I never kissed a guy before! This was my chance to FINALLY see what it felt like!!! So, slowly, we began approaching each other, face-to-face. The two of us hugged each other to start with, and then................and then............and THEN WE KISSED! It was the type of kiss you'd see in movies. My eyes were closed, couldn't resist.....it felt more romantic that way. As Jordan and I continued kissing, I felt this passionate sensation develop inside me. Kissing isn't as bad as I thought it would. Actually, it felt great, especially your first one! After we're finished, still wrapped in each other's arms, Jordan complimented, "You're a good kisser, Courtney." I replied thanks. We kissed for the second time to complete our evening. Wow! My first kiss......................best and most remarkable thing that's ever happened to me!
EVER SINCE our first kiss, I longed to have a serious relationship with Jordan. I'm sick and tired of being single, I desperately want a boyfriend in my life, someone I can snuggle up with on the couch, hug and kiss passionately, dating, you name it. Whenever I see a boyfriend and girlfriend together, I tend to get jealous, since that's something I want.
THE ONE THING that broke my heart was during the 2008 summer, I didn't see Jordan at all! I pictured the two of us dating over the summer, falling in love, making this the best summer I'd ever had! So, when I reached my senior year, middle of September, as I was getting off the STEP bus, unexpectedly..................THERE HE WAS! Jordan was standing outside my school, he doesn't even go to CPHS! When I saw him there, an immediate smile spread across my face and happiness filled me up! Since I hadn't seen him all summer, lately my heart had this empty feeling, but as soon as I saw Jordan, the emptiness rapidly filled its spot again. We were talking to each other, re-bonding, and I told him, "I really missed you, Jordan." He replied he missed me too, with tenderness in his tone. What a sweetheart! Nowadays he's always been on my heart like a tattoo. Every night, tossing and turning, I dream about Jordan. Now I'm wondering, could all this thinking about him be a symptom of falling in love?
I HAVE to be honest here, I think Jordan already has a girlfriend, that's what he keeps telling me, but even though he's seeing someone, I still have strong and deep feelings for him. I rather see him only once a year than see somebody else every single day. One night, when I was about to drift off to sleep, I found myself crying, and Jordan's the reason for my teardrops. I honestly don't care if he's dating someone else. My thoughts and feelings for him will always remain in my heart.
I LIKE it that Jordan accepts my inner self rather than my outer self. Well, I may not be the most beautiful woman, but why the heck does that matter?!? Beautiful, what does that mean anyway? You don't need to be the most attractive and hottest person to fall in love. Anyone can fall in love, no matter who you are or what you look like!
I HAVE the desire to fall in love with Jordan someday, longing to see what being in love feels like, see what I'm missing out on. Never once have I been in love before, I don't know why. I am the dating material, they just have to give me a chance to let me reveal that side of myself.
WHAT IS love anyway? Here's a couple quotes as well as a passage:
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return."
"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time."
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.
AS FOR the future, I dream of marrying Jordan someday as well as having a family, sharing our lives together.
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